Training Is a Conversation With Two Way Communication

Training Is A Conversation, With Two Way Communication

One of the biggest compliments I receive as a professional behavior trainer is how I help my clients understand their dogs better. That sort of comment lights me up! If I can accomplish one thing with my clients, it’s that they learn from their dogs just as much as they intend to teach them. That is a true partnership. With our domestic animals living in an often confusing human world, it is the type of relationship we should all be striving to have: a relationship built on mutual understanding and open communication. 

Our dogs have a lot to say, but often we aren’t creating the space to truly listen. Instead, we may begin to place labels on our dogs…

“He’s so stubborn and doesn’t listen!”

“She’s so dominant and bossy!”

“They’re so demanding and annoying!”

These labels come from a lack of understanding of our dogs' communication. It’s nobody’s fault really...our dogs can be difficult to understand and it’s not always an easy task to understand their mostly nonverbal communication, after all, we don’t speak dog. To top it off, there is a ton of information on the internet about dogs and behavior, and in this unregulated industry, much of the information out on the interweb is not based on factual information.  Making it potentially easy and understandably overwhelming for the average pet parent just trying to do right by their dog. 

So how do we communicate more openly with the pups in our home?

It's easy: Open yourself up to listen to your dog's body language and let your dogs know that their interests, needs, fears, and concerns are all valid and worth listening to. Sometimes when we make requests of our dogs, their lack of responsiveness may mean that they’re confused and need more information from us...and other times it may mean their interest is elsewhere...but whatever the reason, it’s important to understand that your dog is not purposely trying to undermine and disobey you with their hidden agenda to take over the world. Sometimes our dogs simply don’t understand us as much as we don’t understand them. 

“What we’ve got here is a failure to communicate.”

We can start our open line of two-way communication with our pups by hearing them so that they can hear you. Next time you want your dog to do something, try asking them if they can (without the assumption or expectation that they must do it). The amazing Sarah Owings calls this process of communicating “Ask and Answer”. 

“Rather than: ‘Do this, or else!’..

Try: ‘Can you do this?’, and wait for a response.”

Let’s say we’re asking for our dog to lie down on their bed while we’re lounging on the couch instead of jumping all over us. 

A one-sided conversation may look like this:

“Go lay down!” says Fido’s Owner.

Fido begins to hop around, paw at the owner, bring the owner their toy, and seemingly ignore the owner’s command. 

“Stop being stubborn. I said, go lay down!!” says Fido’s Owner while standing up in a much more stern voice.

Dog reluctantly goes to their bed and lays down.

A two-way conversation may look like this:

“Can you go lay down?” says Fido’s owner.

Fido begins to hop around, paw at the owner, and bring the owner their toy. Perhaps Fido hasn’t had enough interaction with their owner today? They were just away from home for an 8-hour shift at work…

“I hear you, Fido. You had a long day today alone while I was at work. We can play for a bit first, and then I’ll give you a special chew on your bed so I can relax some.”

Fido and Guardian engage in Fido’s favorite game of tug followed by some personal play, wrestling on the ground. Fido then was given a yummy bully stick, which he happily took to his bed and chewed.

A two-way conversation opens up the space to listen to your dog’s reply.

Fido’s owner in scenario one focused on demanding responses from their dog but wasn’t able to listen to Fido’s concern, which resulted in a frustrating interaction and ultimately a dog whose needs weren’t heard. In scenario two, Fido’s guardian was able to hear that Fido wasn’t attempting to be stubborn, but rather he was seeking connection. Fido’s needs were met, and then he was able to respond to the request to lay on his bed.

We are two different species living together with a language barrier. There are bound to be miscommunications, but the least we can do while living with our wonderful companion dogs is to provide them with a say in our conversations with them. When you open up these lines of communication with your dog to be heard, not only do you arrive at a place of mutual understanding, but your trust and bond flourish into a magical partnership. #partnershipgoals