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“If you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life.” A saying I’m sure you’ve heard a time or two. I would argue, however, that sometimes loving what you do, and investing your whole heart into your work can leave you emotionally spent. This is especially true when ‘what you do’ oftentimes has sentient beings (whom you really grow to care about) dependent on you for their well-being.
Being a canine behavior consultant and running a business is something I absolutely love and it is BEYOND rewarding….but if I’m being honest, it’s also something that I’ve learned (the hard way) to set boundaries for myself, or I’m left feeling emotionally drained. I think I speak for many professionals in the field when I say that we care so much about each animal and human we work with. We want so badly for each one of them to succeed, feel confident, and enjoy their relationship with their canine companions.
Right now, aggression and fear-based behavior modification cases pretty much take up my entire clientele. Oftentimes the safety and well-being of the dogs and humans in the household are almost entirely dependent on how our training goes, not to mention my own safety is at risk with a number of these cases. Am I helping the family set the most realistic goals and expectations for this dog? Do we have enough management in place to keep everyone in the home safe? Is the dog going to make the progress we hope for? What will happen if safety becomes an issue the family can no longer manage? Will the dog need to be rehomed? Will we have to consider behavior euthanasia? It’s an extraordinary amount of pressure. Don’t get me wrong, the empathy I hold for my clients is an asset in this field, and there are far more wins than losses, the losses just hit harder when you care as much as we do.
There’s also the fact that dog training and canine behavior consulting is an entirely unregulated industry. Any rando can wake up one morning and say, “You know what? I think I’ll train dogs”. Poof, a “dog trainer” emerges, no education necessary. I know I’ve spoken about this before, and you would think that wouldn’t take such a toll on my emotional well-being, but it totally does. Mainly because many of these self-proclaimed trainers rely on punishment-based techniques, and it really hurts my heart to see dogs “responsive” to training simply because they want to avoid a shock (stim, tens, muscle stimulation, or whatever that “trainer described it to you as), jerk to the leash or some other aversive consequence. The science of dog training has evolved, but so many still watch that dog whispering tv show and listen to outdated advice. When you’ve worked so hard and dedicated so much time and money to invest in education in the field, only to be left trying to literally convince people that you’re an actual expert in this field, and the advice they’ve been fed from television or their past dog trainer or their neighbor is actually not the most effective way to change behavior...yeah, that’s exhausting.
Then we have the growth of my business grows. As the business grows so do the team members and your responsibilities to them. It’s a fantastic and terrifying journey all at once. On one hand to have all these hands on deck and the help they provide, is amazing, but now there are people that depend on my success for their paychecks, so if my business decides to crash and burn one day, I’m no longer the only person impacted by that. My wonderful assistant, Stefanie, assures me that will never happen...but my anxiety, on the other hand, is a real a-hole and continues to remind me that I won’t ever be able to predict the future, so anything is possible...and that’s frightening.
All of this to say, if you love and care about the work that you do (and want to remain a sane individual) you’ve got to set boundaries and take care of yourself first before you can be expected to take care of anything or anyone else….otherwise you’re basically doomed. I learned this the hard way, and have had some really low lows overworking myself 7 days a week, no time off, trying to do everything and be there for everyone...until I would literally just break down and cry because I was just so exhausted. I still attempt to work more than I should, but my assistant Stefanie does a nice job keeping me in check. Here are some of the things I’ve learned to do along the way and things I am lucky to have, that have had a HUGE impact in the very best way on my mental and physical health. Some of these are still a work in progress but aren’t we all?
An Assistant: Enter Stefanie. All incoming messages, calls, as well as anything schedule related, are handled by this amazing human. I would literally not be half as sane as I am now if it weren’t for her taking over this role.
Set Schedule & “Days OFF”: My schedule is set, and the number of clients I take each day of work rarely changes. I also have two designated days off each week and I stick to those (Stefanie makes sure of that). Now I don’t take any clients these two days, but I do work on social media content, the occasional phone call, write-ups, and planning for the upcoming weeks’ sessions. My “days off” could use some improvement, but at least they exist.
Work phone set to “Do Not Disturb”: Each evening (usually around 7 pm), I set my work phone on the charger, set it to DND, and I do my best to leave it alone until the next morning.
I don’t offer unsolicited advice: Yes I see misinformation being spread across social media, and I see people treat their dogs in ways I don’t agree with, but I make it a point to not give advice unless I’m asked. I mainly do this because most people don’t want advice and are not in a space to listen to advice that contradicts their own beliefs (unless they ask), but also because I care too much about my own mental health to get into social media arguments with grim outcomes. You better believe I will advocate for animal welfare on my own pages and create an open space for the growth of those around me wanting to learn, but I don’t seek those interactions elsewhere.
I’m authentic about the training process: I am upfront with clients that there are no quick fixes and that behavior change is not linear. I also help my clients to set clear realistic reachable goals and expectations. If we surpass those goals, great, but I’m honest and open every single step of the way.
Vacations: Every year, I take at least one week long vacation, sometimes longer. I am unavailable and not working. I get to be the primary focus of myself, and there’s usually a beach and a margarita or three involved.
I talk openly to my friends and coworkers: Having those people in your life that will take the time to create the space to listen to your worries, anxieties, and feels is invaluable. Sometimes it just feels nice to be heard.
There are definitely areas that need improvement in my self-care department, and I still get burnt out, but far less often than I used to. So if you find yourself running on E on a regular basis, like I often did, the best advice I can give you is to prioritize your self-care and set boundaries that facilitate your best self. After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup.