Embrace The Dog In Front Of You
The Expectation:
“Hi, Welcome to Perfect Pet, Can I take your order?”
“Yes, I’ll take 1 medium dog, average energy that matches my own, good with all people: men, women, and children, dog friendly, cat friendly, happily accepts pets from strangers, even little kids that grab his ears a little too tight, confident in new places, with the ability to go camping with me, hang out on restaurant patios, loves the veterinarian, reliable off-leash, tolerant of just about anything, and barks only when I ask him to ‘speak’. Thanks!”
“Coming right up, ma’am!”
The Reality:
You adopted your dog, Buster, in the hopes that you could visit the dog park regularly to socialize with your friends and their friendly social pups. Drink mimosas while they frolic around together with glee...then it becomes blatantly obvious that Buster is not so ‘dog-friendly’ as he bares his teeth and snaps at all of the dogs that encroach on his space.
You get a puppy, Roger, only to find out “working line GSD” really means part energizer bunny, part shark, part velcro dog with a side of separation anxiety. Punctures and scratches are the new black, and who needs sleep amiright?
Sassy really grew into her name. Those restaurant patios you were hoping to frequent seem impossible as her stranger danger (in the form of barks, growls, and lunges) has gotten worse each time you go out into public.
Pepper tucks her tail, runs away, and hides in your back closet whenever you have new friends over at the house. Your friends are starting to contemplate your sanity. Do you even have a dog?
The truth is, unicorn dogs that are well-behaved and wonderfully obedient in every situation are hard to come by. But here's the good news: There’s nothing wrong with who your dog is.
‘Fearful’, ‘Reactive’, ‘Shy’, ‘Hyper’, ‘Unruly’: These labels would imply there’s something in need of fixing, but they aren’t broken. They are dogs, not machines. Each dog is a unique product of their own genetics and experiences that shape their emotions, behaviors, and temperament. Not one is like another, and that is what makes them amazing.
The real Boss Babe and my lifesaver, Isis, is one of those dogs you would categorize as perfection. She can handle just about every situation with grace and tolerance. Never an ounce of reactivity or aggression, she is what they call in the training world: a bulletproof dog. As I started training, she became my go-to helper dog when working with a range of behaviors from assessing dog friendliness, to leash reactivity, resource guarding, etc. She has helped so many dogs reach their potential throughout our training programs. The problem I soon came to realize is that while she is an extremely tolerant dog, she was not enjoying these jobs. You see, Isis is a momma’s girl. I am her person, and she will go wherever I go and do whatever I do, even if that means walking closer to a dog she did not want to greet, and I took advantage of that disregarding her avoidance, discomfort, and sometimes even fear clearly displayed in her body language. She followed me and complied….but not happily. Luckily, Isis is resilient as hell. She didn’t develop any undesirable aggressive behaviors (although I wouldn’t blame her if she had). I wanted her to be the perfect helper dog, but what did she want?
As I shifted focus, here’s what I learned about the Goddess that is Isis: She is an excellent reader of dog body language, a calming presence, and would prefer to only physically interact with certain dogs that she deems ‘safe’. She mostly prefers to be decoy at a distance while eating all the treats, taking in all the sniffs, and she really enjoys spending one on one time with mom. She remains to this day an excellent helper dog, only now I don’t hold her to the same expectations. She gets a choice in deciding her job, and she is the best Boss Babe on the planet. We even brought on a couple of super social helper dogs to the Boss Babe team, Todd and Seven, to help with the dog students that are ready for more intimate dog-dog interaction. Everybody likes their job very much, and they're very good at what they do.
Now I’m not saying that we shouldn’t help our dogs to feel safe and build confidence around things that cause them distress. That should absolutely be a priority. However, when it comes to training and expectations, it’s so important to look through a different lens. A lens that has us embrace the dog in front of us for who they are, rather than who we’d like them to be.
We can help Buster grow in confidence around other dogs, and we could even attempt to help him make dog friends. That doesn’t mean he’ll want to hang out at the dog park on the reg, and we shouldn’t expect that from him.
Roger may be part shark, but he is learning and driven good bad boi that is eager to do a job. Teach him all the things and harness that arousal into activities and exercises to meet his needs. Tug, training, flirt pole fun, routine, and consistency are Roger’s best buds. Netflix and chill may not be in the cards.
Sassy needs space from new people. We must respect that. You don’t need to sit on patios with her to spend quality time. Go on a jog in a park, decompression walk in the woods, or picnic in an open field. Do things together you can both enjoy.
Pepper may not ever be the life of the party. She just wants to snuggle with her people on the couch. We can help her open up her circle of trust to new people, but let her decide that pace. The more respectful people are of her space, the more she will trust them. No need to force and flood, simply encourage, reward and support.
Your dogs are who they are. Celebrate that. Instead of trying to fit your square pegged dog into a round mold, harness the individuality that your dog has to offer. Embrace the dog in front of you.
Your dog is imperfectly perfect, and that is beautiful.